Setting goals to address sexual problems
It is not easy to share personal problems, especially if they are linked to sex, but Vicki Ford has created the complete guide to Overcoming Sexual Problems. Using cognitive behavioural techniques and easy-to-follow self-help methods, Vicki’s book will enable you to take control of your sexual life.
Understanding Sexual Problems
Sex is part of life and should be the most natural thing in the world. Like moving and breathing, sex is a source of energy that can revitalise you and contribute to that wonderful sense of well-being that we all seek. Giving and receiving pleasure are among the most rewarding and satisfying experiences anyone can have. But if it is so natural, why does it sometimes go wrong?
Most people will experience sexual difficulties at some point in their lives. This could be because of stress and over-work, a result of being in the wrong relationship or could simply be down to technical reasons.
So, what is a sexual problem? Usually, it means that something in your sex life is not happening in the way you want it to. This can lead to a variety of emotions and feelings, ranging from minor frustration to severe distress.
It is important to recognise that, just as there is a range of responses, so there are many different levels of severity in sexual problems themselves, with mild symptoms at one end of the spectrum and very serious difficulties at the other, with all kinds of gradations in between. Also, each person is unique and will try to deal with sexual problems in their own way. What is apparent across all these variations is that sexual problems are upsetting and require help.
Setting Your Goals
The first step in addressing your sexual problem is to set your own goals. This means asking some questions. For a start, will you be doing this by yourself? This could be your choice even if you are in a relationship. Then think as closely as you can about what you are hoping to achieve. Setting yourself a goal or a target is very helpful as it makes you focus on your needs, and those of your partner if you are working on the problem together.
Relaxation, stress management and lifestyle choices
- Making time for you is a very necessary part of any successful self-help programme. You may have small children or a job that requires a lot of driving away from home or work anti-social shift cycles. Finding the time to relax in such circumstances may prove difficult, but careful planning and creative use of the time you do have can often work wonders.
- Many people are finding nowadays that work is encroaching more and more into their personal lives. In fact, for some people work becomes their life. Equally, not having work can be stressful, especially with the added strain of worries about money.
- Stress comes in many different forms. A certain amount is helpful: it can motivate us and get things done. Too much stress, on the other hand, can be harmful: emotionally, mentally, behaviourally, and physically. The stress response is widely recognised as a survival strategy linked to the need to prepare for ‘flight or fight’. It is a necessary function to healthy living. It is when the levels of stress go beyond your ability to cope with them that trouble strikes.
- Using positive thinking as a way of lessening stress is extremely helpful. Try changing messages to yourself that reinforce feelings of inadequacy, such as, ‘It’s all piling up, I’ll never get finished, I can’t cope,’ into positive, helpful messages, such as: ‘OK, things are really piling up, how shall I approach this? Let me take one step at a time, prioritise what I can do today and leave the rest until tomorrow.’ You are only human after all, not a machine.
- Lifestyle choices are a very important area to consider, as the way you are living your life may very well be the cause of your current sexual difficulties and indeed lie at the heart of why you are stressed.
- Ask yourself the following questions: Am I happy with my current lifestyle? What gives me quality of life? Am I happy with my relationship? Am I happy with my job?
- Next, ask yourself the following questions: What options for change do I have? How can I actively improve my quality of life? Is there anyone who could help me explore my options?
- If your lifestyle is affecting your sex life, it makes good sense to give some thought to what you might do about it before you find yourself in a very difficult position. Take action and do something now, before your lifestyle does serious damage to your life and sexual relationship(s).
